Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Anticipating NCN Mardi Gras Fest

You Know You're From Louisiana If...

-Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside, even in December.
-You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads.
-You don't look twice when you see pink flamingos in yards of nice subdivisions during Mardi Gras.
-You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils.
-Your ancestors are buried above the ground.
-You drink Community Coffee, have tried Starbucks, but don't see what all the fuss is about.
-You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco.
-Every once in a while, you have waterfront property.
-You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what he means.
-You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
-You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
-Little old ladies push YOU out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
-You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together and you eat things those colors.
-Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
-You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.
-Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.
-Your house payment is less than your utility bill.
-You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
-Your grandparents are called "Mam-Maw" and "Paw-Paw."
-Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.
-You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.
-You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.
-You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer. When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.
-You've eaten at one or more of these restaurants, AND know how to pronounce them: Prejean's, Tu Jac's, Gallatoire's, Ralph & Kacoo's, Brunet's, Mulatte's, or Dooky Chase's.
-You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten.
-You call home just to find out what your momma'nem are having for supper tonight.
-You have a bumpersticker which reads: Axe me about my dumbass chirrens.
-You pronounce "shrimp" as "swimps" and "oysters" as "erystahs."
-You order your po-boy "dressed."

Monday, January 28, 2008

What's in a name?

Stolen from Ronnie. It's pretty amusing.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Pepe Ni-san S. Well, how very international. And BTW, Ni-san is "Mister Two" [MR-2] not Nissan and the S stands for supercharged, which means it has a Roots-type blower. Think Mad Max. "It's got a blower, Max!"

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Mint Chocolate Chip Marshmallow Twirl. Back off Xzibit! Here comes M to the C to the C to the M to the T. If that don't intimidate ya, I'll nine your ass!

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name-first three letters of your last name)
I am not fly. Period.

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Red Candiru Catfish. Who'd hire that guy?

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
I don't do soaps but it'd be Michael New Orleans. Kinda stupid. Like soaps.

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Mai-Fra. I hadda go with three letters from my first, otherwise it's like an ancient Hebrew name with an assumed vowel and you know what happens when we assume. That's right; somebody gets his balls cut off, courtesy of my lightsaber. Don't fuck with the force.

7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The" + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Ultraviolet Kir Royale. Ummmm, I think I'm speechless on this one. Sometimes I just don't know about me.

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
No, no, no. NO NASCAR! Ever! Let's call it my Formula 1 name. Then it's Frank Henry, formerly with BRM, now driving for Toyota.

9. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite scent/perfume/cologne, favorite candy)
Homie don't play that. I am not a stripper of any stripe.

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother’s & father’s middle names )
Joseph Byrnes. Call me "Kookie" and get me a job parking cars on the Sunset Strip.

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Theophane Tarzana. Ok, I don't really remember which nun I had in 5th grade, so I chose Sister Mary Theophane cuz it's cooler than most of them: Sister Mary Joseph, Sister Mary Francis, Sister Mary How-come-it's-always-a-guy's-name-and-what's that-doing-for-my-potential-gender-confusion?

12. SPY NAME/BOND GIRL: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Summer Wolfsbane, aka Aconite, aka Monkshood; but no matter what, I'm still a boy named "Summer." That may be a great name for Summer Glau (my favorite River - grin) but it still leaves *me* in a-boy-named-sue mode. Does a holiday work any better? Howzabout Mardi Gras Wolfsbane? Nah. That sounds like a trannie hooker. Think I'll stick with a boy named Summer.

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) Durian Socksy. Well, whatever else I am or do as a cartoon character, I obviously smell BAD. Really, really bad.

14. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Hostess-O Ginko. If I repunctuated that, I could be an Irish hippie. Sure, and it's top o' the mornin' to ya, Mister O'Ginko.

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: ("The" + your fave hobby/craft + your fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Iaido Hurricane Tour. Oh year, baby! Look out for the return of the Better Half Dozen in the comeback tour of the Millennium, featuring the frantic keyboard stylings of Pepe Ni-san S.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Random album cover creation

I just hadda play this meme. Randomly create your own album. I tried it and it was so fun I decided to go ahead and post it.

1. Band name. The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. Album title. The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. Photo. The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. You then take the pic and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your pic.

Moder Gorob is my band's name. Sculpture honoring those killed by Pakistani military for agitating for the use of their own language in Bangladesh. Ok, kinda interesting.

Title is from Einstein. I like that. The test of experience. Sounds meaningful.

Photo is what made me go through with actually putting it together and posting it.

OTOH, if my actual old band ever got back together for a reunion album, it might look something like this:

And the songs might be:

I Could Have Loved Her (remix: but I was out of pills) – McNamara/Sklamba (previously released as a BHD single)

Keep on Rockin' in the Free World – Young

By Request (aka We Don't Play That Shit) – Maier

Flyin' to Noo Awlins (cuz I'm too old to walk that far) – original by Charles (and Fats Domino)

Technicolor Tech Writer Blues – Maier

Transparent Day – Harris/Markley (previously recorded by BHD but never released)

I Might Be Old Now But I Still Fucked Your Girlfriend During Our First Break at That Tulane Frat Party in 1965 [yet to be written] – Maier/Mangiapane

Allons Danser, Katrina – Cajun folk tune (revised as an homage to the evil bitch who kicked all our asses in 2005)

Ooh Ooh Song – Geraldo (Pat Benatar group)

The Kendo (Black-and-)Blues – Maier

I'm Gonna Leave (remix: as soon as I remember where my keys are – based on the prophetic line in the original: "Where're th' keys to mah cah?") – Sklamba/Mangiapane (previously released as a BHD single)

Come Again? – Maier

Sunday, January 06, 2008


'nuff said!

P.S. For my multitude of readers waiting for Math Rant Part 3, just keep the faith a bit longer. I'll provide some math ranting and, to help you keep up your strength, maybe a few loaves and fishes conjured from dark matter or maybe from superstrings or even from p-branes. No, those aren't the same kind of peabrains as global warming deniers or fundamentalists of any stripe.

Followup 1/12... Oh. Never mind. Ick!